Remember Your Second Love - Parenting Through the Little Years (Part Three)

This is Part Three of "Three in Diapers: Parenting Through the Little Years." If you are just tuning in now, please check out the Introduction, Part One, and Part Two for context and disclaimers.

3. Remember your second love -- You know that birthing class I referenced before? As I remember it, David and I were the worst students there. We were young (but far from the youngest in the class), in love, and eager to goof off and have fun before our little one made an appearance and changed our lives forever. We joked around with each other and often cracked up at completely inappropriate times.

In particular, I remember the doula scowling at me as she suggested we come up with a calming mantra to help get us through contractions. I quickly looked at David and started chanting, "It's all your fault. It's all your fault."

I was joking, and David took it in that light, but I've discovered that in this journey of parenting that often, it is easy for us as wives to look at our husbands and think that they are the enemy.

We don't start off thinking that way, but it can come out as our emotions progress. We're tired after several nights of interrupted sleep. We've gotten through a day of caffeine-fed survival techniques. We're hungry and trying to pull together a meal. One part of the meal is burning and the other part is refusing to cook in a timely fashion. Our house is in disorder and our kids are taking turns coming to us, asking us what we are making for dinner, and then telling us what a horrible choice we made. And our husbands? They are "hiding" in the bathroom. Again.

All of a sudden our frustrations and irritations, fueled by our fatigue and hunger (a bad combination for sure) start to boil over. And the source of all our worldly problems? This man that God gave us. And it is our God-given duty to enlighten him about all the ways that he is currently failing!!

But before we fly off the handle, this is a really good time to take a step back and get our thoughts and emotions in control. Eat something. Even if it'll ruin your appetite for the dinner that still isn't ready to be put on the table. Go hide in the other bathroom for a minute. Take your thoughts captive and remember your first love. And then remember your second love.

God gave you an ally in this battle. He's your husband. You love him. God gave you exactly the right person to help stretch you and grow you and encourage you. He's here for you and you're here for him. You've got each other's backs.

But he's not perfect. He's not going to always know intuitively what you need. Sometimes you are going to need to ask. And sometimes he's going to think that you've got it wrong. Sometimes he'll be right and sometimes he won't be. But he's not the enemy. He's on your side. He loves God, he loves you, and he loves your kids. He wants what is very best for your family. Just like you. And what's even better, both of you have an Advocate who goes before the Father on your behalf.

You both are growing and learning together. Sometimes those growth patterns are painful, but they are also beautiful.

So when you start to aim the fiery darts at your husband, stop yourself and remind yourself who he is. And replace your thoughts and emotions with truth.

Feed your relationship with your husband -- it's not only what you will have once your kids are long grown, it's also what will help you in the process of growing your kids.

Enjoy your husband -- he's a blessing from God. Be thankful for him. God is good and He gives good gifts.

Communicate with your husband -- share your burdens with him and ask him for help. Humble yourself and admit your weaknesses and struggles with him. Ask him to pray for you. Pray with him. Let him be a means of grace that you see evidenced in your life.

Love your husband well -- your relationship with your husband is a picture of Christianity that God has given this world so they can better see God. Remember to pray for your husband and to encourage him and to care for him. You might start to look at him and think: "He's grown up! Can't he take care of himself? My kids need me -- he doesn't."

But one of the very best ways you can love your children is by loving your husband well. Again, the relationship between your husband and you is a picture of Christ and His love for His people. We want our children to see that in all of the beauty it entails. You can't do this perfectly, but you can pray that God will enable you to do this well. And He is faithful and generous to answer such prayers.

***

As I'm writing this series, I can see how God has taught me so much in this process of parenting, but also how very much I have to grow. I'm thankful for God's promise to me that He will complete the good work that He's started. Let's be praying for each other, sisters, that God will continue His good work and that we will quickly and eagerly submit to His good plans for us. And come back soon for Part Four!

Be Anxious for Nothing - Thoughts on Parenting Through the Little Years (Part Two)

This is Part Two in the series, “Three in Diapers: Thoughts on Parenting Through the Little Years.” If you’re tuning in now, please see the Introduction and Part One for context and foundation.

2. Be anxious for nothing -- As women, as moms, it’s easy for us to let our anxiety rule the day. I remember being in a birthing class when I was pregnant with our first. The doula teaching the class was giving helpful advice for managing pain during labor. She said one thing that has stuck with me through each labor and delivery since. She said something like, “Don’t think about what might happen or how much longer it might take to get through labor. Just focus on getting through the contraction that you are in. Most women usually only get in a bind when they start asking themselves, ‘How much longer is this going to take? What if it gets worse? I don’t think I can handle this much longer…’ They get overwhelmed by their imagination of the future instead of their present reality.”

I’ve always felt that that doula gave sound, even biblical, advice in what she said. The Bible exhorts us in many places not to worry, to be anxious for nothing, to trust God for our care and provision. And yet so many of our life decisions are based on the “what ifs” that we can imagine with dread.

I remember one book I read several years ago that asserted something to the effect of “God’s grace is not sufficient for our imagination; it’s sufficient for our reality.” In other words, we can so often look at other people’s circumstances, combine them with other possibilities, superimpose them on our future, and then cower, paralyzed by what we've conjured up for ourselves.

In doing this, we neglect the very real truth that God’s grace is sufficient for today and that He is glorified and strong in our weakness. Life is not easy. There are many unforeseeable events that wait around the corner of our futures. Yet we can trust that God not only foresees these events, but He is sovereign and capable to walk us through whatever path He has laid in front of us. We might stumble along the way (we probably will), but His grace is sufficient, and we are just called to be faithful right now.

And when you do feel overwhelmed and your anxious thoughts seem to be coming to life in front of you, remember Part One. My pastor has a phrase, “Look at your circumstances through the lens of the cross instead of looking at the cross through the lens of your circumstance.”

And for good measure, here is one of my favorite Spurgeon quotes: “Remember this, had any other condition been better for you than the one in which you are, divine love would have put you there.”

***
These two first points might be the very hardest for me to practically apply each day. It's easy to just get into life and to forget to take my thoughts captive and surrender them to God's governance. But thankfully, His mercies are new every morning and it really is quite simple truths that can calm and strengthen out hearts when we approach despair. We just have to pray for help and practice returning to these truths in our hearts and minds.

Stay tuned for Part Three!

Remember Your First Love - Parenting Through the Little Years (Part One)

Today I begin my series, “Three in Diapers: Thoughts on Parenting Through the Little Years.” If you missed my introduction yesterday, please see that for explanation and disclaimers.

I often hear from moms, “I don’t know how you do it. I can barely manage my life with two kids.” My typical response is, “Two is hard!! I remember that. Very much. And my second child wasn’t a particularly hard baby, either. I imagine that one kid is God’s way of saying, ‘You’re not in control.’ And two kids is His way of saying, ‘No, really. You aren’t in control.’”

Some of us take a long time to learn that lesson. But really, grasping the truth that God is God, God is good, and we are not in control goes a long way in this life, and specifically for this post series, in parenting.

To my friend who asked for my thoughts and advice, here are some ways that God has helped me to learn to focus on this truth while parenting.

1. Remember your first love –  God has given you enormous blessing and responsibility by making you both a wife and a mom. You are to help your husband in his endeavors to love, protect, and provide for your family and to raise them to know His love and truth. You are to care for your home and to love your neighbors and others. You are to train up your children in the way they should go, recognizing that they, as all people, are born with sinful rebellious hearts against God and that He has lovingly, graciously given His Son to bear the cost of their sin and to cleanse them from unrighteousness.

You nurture your babes through pregnancy and infancy, care for their every need, sacrificially give of your time (and sleep) and hopes and plans and goals for the purpose of being the mom that God has called you to be.

But don’t forget in the midst of doing these good and right things that first and foremost, you are a child of God. He is your first love. God is God; He is good; He loves you, and He has called you from darkness and covered you in the blood of His Son.

God is for you. He has given His Son as a ransom for your sins and has given His Spirit to strengthen you and aid you in the process of you growing in Christ-likeness. He loves you. When He looks at you, He sees His precious Son and the price He paid to redeem you. He withholds no good thing from you. And He works all things for good for you, in conforming you to the image of His Son.

Remember His goodness. Remember His grace. Remember the way He drew you to Himself and forgave you of all your sins: past, present, and future. Dwell on these things when your heart wanders to anxiety, frustration, fear, or discouragement. Love Him. Praise Him. Enjoy Him. Be strengthened and renewed by Him.

Preach the gospel to yourself and ask Him for the strength and grace to show His love to your children, your husband, and those around you.

This point is pivotal and critical in life, and foundational for any other thoughts or points. Parenting has a way of stretching you to the depths of your ugliness. Stare it straight in the face and then dump it at the foot of the cross, and bathe in the love of God that is found there.

***

Continue to Part Two

Three in Diapers: Thoughts on Parenting Through the Little Years (Introduction)

I recently was asked by a friend and sister in Christ for any thoughts or advice I could pass her way. She is about to make the jump from having one very young man toddler to THREE little ones in diapers, as she is expecting twin girls soon.

When I saw her message to me, my first thoughts (aside from the quick moment of envy at the idea of her having twins. TWINS!! Yes, I know I’m crazy. But if you’re reading this, you should know that before you get too involved in my writing) were that I didn’t really know what I could say to her as far as advice goes. I mean, I could come up with some quick response to specific questions, but I’ve never had TWINS (at least not yet. I’ll keep praying). And my friend’s situation is unique to her. Everyone’s situation is unique to them. So what can I really say other than “take one day at a time and remember God’s grace along the way?"

Well, the second thing you should know about me before you get too involved in my writing is that I can say a lot. (Really. About just about anything. Be warned.) The night after my friend sent me a message asking for my thoughts, while caring for a nursing infant in the middle of the night, I started to think about many of the lessons God has taught me and highlighted to me during my past nine years of active parenting.

And then I started wondering if I should write a book. Then I remembered that I have seven kids nine and under and decided that I don’t have time to write a book. But maybe a blog post… series. (This will help me avoid my husband telling me that I need to write less in a blog post). Needless to say, I didn’t get much sleep after that point.

Before I get started, I’d like to make a few qualifications since I will be posting this on the world wide web and just about anybody might read it.

One, my thoughts are aimed mostly at a sister in Christ – someone who is trusting in Jesus Christ alone for her salvation. Some of my thoughts are universal to everyone, but some of them won’t make sense unless you, too, are believing in Christ for your salvation and for the grace and strength to grow to be more like Him during this time you have on earth.

And some of my thoughts may not be relevant to you at all. If they’re not relevant, feel free to disregard them. I’m not assuming that what has been an issue for me is an issue for anyone or everyone else. And God has different plans and stages for each of us. Though these overlap in many ways, if they don’t, please don’t feel offended or hurt by my statements. Just realize that for that part, I’m not writing to you. God has you in a different spot for His good reasons.

Finally, I have not yet arrived. Anywhere. Many of these lessons I’m still preaching to myself every day, some of these lessons I’m learning right now, and there’s not a single point that I have down perfectly. I’m in a process. So please forgive my imperfections and pray for God’s grace for ME as I continue in the path entrusted to me.

So, with all that ado, please come back soon for PART ONE of “Three in Diapers: Thoughts on Parenting Through the Little Years.”

Happy happy birthday, Danny!

You're SEVEN!! YAY!!! =)

Danny, you're a delightful child. You have more energy than a chipmunk with a caffeine patch, and you can talk laps around me, but this often points to the joy that regularly overflows your character. You love to tell jokes and you often have unique views on life about which we love to hear.

You pour your heart into whatever you're doing (especially if whatever you are doing involves the Wii, ahem), and we love that you are so exuberant about life.

I'm excited to see how this next year goes for you, my sweet, affectionate child, and I hope that as life continues to speed along, you take the time to revel in the love that God has poured out for you.

Press on, my caffeinated chipmunk! We love you and hope you have a very, very happy birthday!!

Family Photos from 2012

Somehow we neglected to share our family photos here last year... our apologies! But better late, than never, right? :)

Happy (once again, belated) Birthday, Mikey!!

When you start talking, I think you're about to turn 27 or so, so it's no wonder that 8 almost seems to young for you. But no worries -- sometimes, you still act like someone that has a few years left in the training department. =)

With your new glasses and your great ability to articulate your profound thoughts, it's been a lot of fun to watch you become the young man that you are now at the ripe old age of eight.

You're a good kid. You have a heart to grow in wisdom, knowledge, and self-control. And we're sure that if you keep asking God for these things, He'll keep answering your prayers.  We love your faith that ponders deep thoughts yet keeps it simple. When asked what you should do to get to heaven you smile and answer confidently, "Nothing. Jesus did it all."

At 8, your favorite hymn is "Jesus paid it all." And your favorite line from that song? "Sin had left its crimson stain, He washed it white as snow." Simple. Elegant. True.

When I was sharing my kids' birthdays recently with someone, I mentioned yours and she replied, "what a horrible day for a birthday." I paused and then simply said, "He brings a lot of joy to a very sad day." You'll hear more and more, as you get older, about the day that terrorists attacked our country and killed many of our people. It happened four years, to the day, before you were born. But I'll tell you this, son. I'm very thankful that God gave you to us on September 11. You're a reminder to me that God holds this world in His hands and that even though people, in their wickedness, bring destruction and pain, God's gifts are good and reflect His perfect love.

Enjoy His good gifts to you, Mikey. Remember that "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." (James 1:17) And remember that you are a gift from God. And we are so, so thankful for you.

Happy happy birthday, Mikey. May you continue to grow into a man who loves God and loves others. We're proud of you, and we love you.

Happy (belated) Birthday, Eliana!

*I'm a few days late on writing this post. Just been one of those weeks... I'll blame it on school starting or something.*

I feel like I always start your birthday posts with some sentimental ramble about how quickly time is flying and how big you are getting.

This year is no different. You're my ground-breaker, and with that, I get a wee bit nostalgic.

Nine years. Nine years of active parenting. Halfway to adulthood. Sometimes, I just can't believe it. But then I look at you and how beautiful you are becoming and how quickly you're maturing and I have to admit that it's happening whether I like it or not.

I asked you (on your actual birthday) if you'd do me a favor and take the next nine years a bit more slowly than you have the last. You just gave me your grown-up grin and said, "But Mom, I'm not in control of the time."

You do enjoy taking things very literally in life and pointing out any contradictions in our language. Unless, of course, you are in one of your delightful yet rare silly times. You still love many of the things that you have always loved... art and animals and random facts. You're a fabulous big sister, especially looking out for the smaller children... how you light up when you see Jeremiah!

I've watched you this year step out of your comfort zone to love and spend time with a sibling who you sometimes have difficulty loving.  And I am so thankful for this in your heart.

I feel like we are on the cusp of some of life's great changes for you, Sweet Girl, and I sometimes feel inadequate and unready.  That's when I turn and remember the good and loving God who is orchestrating these events and preparing us for this path, and I'm so thankful for His patience and grace. We'll get through, Sweet Girl. His mercies are new every morning.

Keep looking to Him, Eliana. He knows your heart better than I do, better than you do yourself. And He's good and trustworthy. Keep looking to Him.

And have a very, very happy tenth year!! We love you!!

'Lijah, 'Lijah, 'Lijah

You are three years old. Well, at least you will be as of 11:59pm.  Even then, you had to keep us guessing...

Of all my kids, you are the one that leaves a big cloudy question mark in my head when I dream about all the things you might do with your future. Mostly, this question mark just drives me to pray that you use your cunning for good and not evil.

At this point, I'm the mother of five boys, but you make it feel as if I'm the mother of eight. I always say that you are four boys wrapped into one.

You are the first of my children to put a hole in your birthday cake before I got a chance to frost it. You are the first of my children to be returned to me by a neighbor. You're the first to fall into a pool unexpectedly. You are the first of my children to carry a full box of Bisquick up the stairs to me, with a steak knife in hand (and a few complimentary holes stabbed in the top. I guess you really wanted those pancakes!). You are the first to learn how to light my gas stove. You are the first to discover where I hide the lighter for the candles, and put the two together. You are the first to figure out how to rescue treats from the top of the fridge. And of this morning, you are the first to both find the hidden (up-high) paint and use it to paint my carpet, half of a stuffed dog, and my right big toe bright green.

Actually, you're not only the first of my children to do any of these things, you are my only child to do these things (as of yet, at least!) And all before turning three! Dare I wonder what next year's tally might look like?

You are responsible for 95% of my (of course non-existent!) white hairs, and yet oh, how you have me wrapped around your chubby little fingers. You are smart, quick, and quiet but also sweet, cheerful and exuberant in your love. I think you love to sing more than any other child your age that I know. Your blue-green eyes twinkle and you make my heart sing.

With all the mischief that comes with you, I am so, so thankful that God gave you to us, as our son. And I pray that as this next year grows you even more, that you will know His love and enthusiastically love Him more than all the things into which you pour your joy.

We love you, Son. Happy, happy birthday.

Happy Birthday, SammySam!!

HEY, YOU GUYS!! It's your birthday, Sammy! And "HEY, YOU GUYS!" is currently one of your favorite things to yell through the house. (Thank you, "Electric Company!")

SammySam, Dude, I love you. You are one of the most delightful kids that I know. (Please do note the "one of" in that statement. While I do have favorites, I have a collective of them. ;))

What I remember most about your babyhood is just what a delightful, quiet, sweet baby you were. You were chubby and you were late, but you weren't the chubbiest or the latest, so that's not what I first jump to in my memories.  But you were sweet and contemplative and good-natured. A dream baby, for sure. As you grew into a toddler, I remember you sleeping. A lot. I even asked your doctor about it, and he assured me that you were just growing a really smart brain in there.

And then in this past year, you really started talking. And Sweetie, when you really started talking, you REALLY started talking. And when you REALLY started talking, your entertainment value grew. Exponentially.

I love hearing your thoughts come out of your mouth. Most of the time, you just have really funny, random things to say -- like that you want to be a fireman so that you don't have to cut your hair. Or that the new baby is "Wijah's baby," and that "Wijah" is your baby. Or a number of other things that either I can't remember at the moment or that I refuse to put in a public blog post.

The other dominating thoughts that come out of your mouth are super sweet. I hear "I wub you, Mommy" randomly and often throughout the day. Or, "Mom, you are the best mom in the WHOLE world!" Or, "Good singing, Mom!" (loudly at church, with an enthusiastic thumbs up). Thank you, Sweetie. You encourage me!!

And then there's your sweetness to your younger siblings. I love how you generously share your prized cars and trucks with Elijah. And I love how you run up to me to say, "Mom, Jeremiah is SO CUTE! Can I kiss him? I want to carry him!"

I can't wait to see what kind of man you will grow up to be. Right now, I'm loving watching your kind, protective heart grow into action. Watch your daddy, little love. Follow his example as he follows the example of the One who laid down His life for him.

And have a wonderful, wonderful year. Happy, happy birthday, Sammy! We love you!!

Video: Lila and the Kids Meet Baby Jeremiah

He's (finally) here!!!

Nine days late, and worth every second of the wait!

Jeremiah Joseph

8 lbs 5 oz

20 inches

March 26, 2013

1:44am

We praise God, thanking Him for His kind mercies to us!

But the Lord said to me, "Do not say, "I am only a youth"; for to all to whom I send you, you shall go, and whatever I command you, you shall speak. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you, declares the Lord ." Jeremiah 1:7-8 ESV