Remember Your First Love - Parenting Through the Little Years (Part One)

Today I begin my series, “Three in Diapers: Thoughts on Parenting Through the Little Years.” If you missed my introduction yesterday, please see that for explanation and disclaimers.

I often hear from moms, “I don’t know how you do it. I can barely manage my life with two kids.” My typical response is, “Two is hard!! I remember that. Very much. And my second child wasn’t a particularly hard baby, either. I imagine that one kid is God’s way of saying, ‘You’re not in control.’ And two kids is His way of saying, ‘No, really. You aren’t in control.’”

Some of us take a long time to learn that lesson. But really, grasping the truth that God is God, God is good, and we are not in control goes a long way in this life, and specifically for this post series, in parenting.

To my friend who asked for my thoughts and advice, here are some ways that God has helped me to learn to focus on this truth while parenting.

1. Remember your first love –  God has given you enormous blessing and responsibility by making you both a wife and a mom. You are to help your husband in his endeavors to love, protect, and provide for your family and to raise them to know His love and truth. You are to care for your home and to love your neighbors and others. You are to train up your children in the way they should go, recognizing that they, as all people, are born with sinful rebellious hearts against God and that He has lovingly, graciously given His Son to bear the cost of their sin and to cleanse them from unrighteousness.

You nurture your babes through pregnancy and infancy, care for their every need, sacrificially give of your time (and sleep) and hopes and plans and goals for the purpose of being the mom that God has called you to be.

But don’t forget in the midst of doing these good and right things that first and foremost, you are a child of God. He is your first love. God is God; He is good; He loves you, and He has called you from darkness and covered you in the blood of His Son.

God is for you. He has given His Son as a ransom for your sins and has given His Spirit to strengthen you and aid you in the process of you growing in Christ-likeness. He loves you. When He looks at you, He sees His precious Son and the price He paid to redeem you. He withholds no good thing from you. And He works all things for good for you, in conforming you to the image of His Son.

Remember His goodness. Remember His grace. Remember the way He drew you to Himself and forgave you of all your sins: past, present, and future. Dwell on these things when your heart wanders to anxiety, frustration, fear, or discouragement. Love Him. Praise Him. Enjoy Him. Be strengthened and renewed by Him.

Preach the gospel to yourself and ask Him for the strength and grace to show His love to your children, your husband, and those around you.

This point is pivotal and critical in life, and foundational for any other thoughts or points. Parenting has a way of stretching you to the depths of your ugliness. Stare it straight in the face and then dump it at the foot of the cross, and bathe in the love of God that is found there.

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Continue to Part Two

Three in Diapers: Thoughts on Parenting Through the Little Years (Introduction)

I recently was asked by a friend and sister in Christ for any thoughts or advice I could pass her way. She is about to make the jump from having one very young man toddler to THREE little ones in diapers, as she is expecting twin girls soon.

When I saw her message to me, my first thoughts (aside from the quick moment of envy at the idea of her having twins. TWINS!! Yes, I know I’m crazy. But if you’re reading this, you should know that before you get too involved in my writing) were that I didn’t really know what I could say to her as far as advice goes. I mean, I could come up with some quick response to specific questions, but I’ve never had TWINS (at least not yet. I’ll keep praying). And my friend’s situation is unique to her. Everyone’s situation is unique to them. So what can I really say other than “take one day at a time and remember God’s grace along the way?"

Well, the second thing you should know about me before you get too involved in my writing is that I can say a lot. (Really. About just about anything. Be warned.) The night after my friend sent me a message asking for my thoughts, while caring for a nursing infant in the middle of the night, I started to think about many of the lessons God has taught me and highlighted to me during my past nine years of active parenting.

And then I started wondering if I should write a book. Then I remembered that I have seven kids nine and under and decided that I don’t have time to write a book. But maybe a blog post… series. (This will help me avoid my husband telling me that I need to write less in a blog post). Needless to say, I didn’t get much sleep after that point.

Before I get started, I’d like to make a few qualifications since I will be posting this on the world wide web and just about anybody might read it.

One, my thoughts are aimed mostly at a sister in Christ – someone who is trusting in Jesus Christ alone for her salvation. Some of my thoughts are universal to everyone, but some of them won’t make sense unless you, too, are believing in Christ for your salvation and for the grace and strength to grow to be more like Him during this time you have on earth.

And some of my thoughts may not be relevant to you at all. If they’re not relevant, feel free to disregard them. I’m not assuming that what has been an issue for me is an issue for anyone or everyone else. And God has different plans and stages for each of us. Though these overlap in many ways, if they don’t, please don’t feel offended or hurt by my statements. Just realize that for that part, I’m not writing to you. God has you in a different spot for His good reasons.

Finally, I have not yet arrived. Anywhere. Many of these lessons I’m still preaching to myself every day, some of these lessons I’m learning right now, and there’s not a single point that I have down perfectly. I’m in a process. So please forgive my imperfections and pray for God’s grace for ME as I continue in the path entrusted to me.

So, with all that ado, please come back soon for PART ONE of “Three in Diapers: Thoughts on Parenting Through the Little Years.”

Happy happy birthday, Danny!

You're SEVEN!! YAY!!! =)

Danny, you're a delightful child. You have more energy than a chipmunk with a caffeine patch, and you can talk laps around me, but this often points to the joy that regularly overflows your character. You love to tell jokes and you often have unique views on life about which we love to hear.

You pour your heart into whatever you're doing (especially if whatever you are doing involves the Wii, ahem), and we love that you are so exuberant about life.

I'm excited to see how this next year goes for you, my sweet, affectionate child, and I hope that as life continues to speed along, you take the time to revel in the love that God has poured out for you.

Press on, my caffeinated chipmunk! We love you and hope you have a very, very happy birthday!!

Family Photos from 2012

Somehow we neglected to share our family photos here last year... our apologies! But better late, than never, right? :)

Happy (once again, belated) Birthday, Mikey!!

When you start talking, I think you're about to turn 27 or so, so it's no wonder that 8 almost seems to young for you. But no worries -- sometimes, you still act like someone that has a few years left in the training department. =)

With your new glasses and your great ability to articulate your profound thoughts, it's been a lot of fun to watch you become the young man that you are now at the ripe old age of eight.

You're a good kid. You have a heart to grow in wisdom, knowledge, and self-control. And we're sure that if you keep asking God for these things, He'll keep answering your prayers.  We love your faith that ponders deep thoughts yet keeps it simple. When asked what you should do to get to heaven you smile and answer confidently, "Nothing. Jesus did it all."

At 8, your favorite hymn is "Jesus paid it all." And your favorite line from that song? "Sin had left its crimson stain, He washed it white as snow." Simple. Elegant. True.

When I was sharing my kids' birthdays recently with someone, I mentioned yours and she replied, "what a horrible day for a birthday." I paused and then simply said, "He brings a lot of joy to a very sad day." You'll hear more and more, as you get older, about the day that terrorists attacked our country and killed many of our people. It happened four years, to the day, before you were born. But I'll tell you this, son. I'm very thankful that God gave you to us on September 11. You're a reminder to me that God holds this world in His hands and that even though people, in their wickedness, bring destruction and pain, God's gifts are good and reflect His perfect love.

Enjoy His good gifts to you, Mikey. Remember that "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." (James 1:17) And remember that you are a gift from God. And we are so, so thankful for you.

Happy happy birthday, Mikey. May you continue to grow into a man who loves God and loves others. We're proud of you, and we love you.

Happy (belated) Birthday, Eliana!

*I'm a few days late on writing this post. Just been one of those weeks... I'll blame it on school starting or something.*

I feel like I always start your birthday posts with some sentimental ramble about how quickly time is flying and how big you are getting.

This year is no different. You're my ground-breaker, and with that, I get a wee bit nostalgic.

Nine years. Nine years of active parenting. Halfway to adulthood. Sometimes, I just can't believe it. But then I look at you and how beautiful you are becoming and how quickly you're maturing and I have to admit that it's happening whether I like it or not.

I asked you (on your actual birthday) if you'd do me a favor and take the next nine years a bit more slowly than you have the last. You just gave me your grown-up grin and said, "But Mom, I'm not in control of the time."

You do enjoy taking things very literally in life and pointing out any contradictions in our language. Unless, of course, you are in one of your delightful yet rare silly times. You still love many of the things that you have always loved... art and animals and random facts. You're a fabulous big sister, especially looking out for the smaller children... how you light up when you see Jeremiah!

I've watched you this year step out of your comfort zone to love and spend time with a sibling who you sometimes have difficulty loving.  And I am so thankful for this in your heart.

I feel like we are on the cusp of some of life's great changes for you, Sweet Girl, and I sometimes feel inadequate and unready.  That's when I turn and remember the good and loving God who is orchestrating these events and preparing us for this path, and I'm so thankful for His patience and grace. We'll get through, Sweet Girl. His mercies are new every morning.

Keep looking to Him, Eliana. He knows your heart better than I do, better than you do yourself. And He's good and trustworthy. Keep looking to Him.

And have a very, very happy tenth year!! We love you!!

'Lijah, 'Lijah, 'Lijah

You are three years old. Well, at least you will be as of 11:59pm.  Even then, you had to keep us guessing...

Of all my kids, you are the one that leaves a big cloudy question mark in my head when I dream about all the things you might do with your future. Mostly, this question mark just drives me to pray that you use your cunning for good and not evil.

At this point, I'm the mother of five boys, but you make it feel as if I'm the mother of eight. I always say that you are four boys wrapped into one.

You are the first of my children to put a hole in your birthday cake before I got a chance to frost it. You are the first of my children to be returned to me by a neighbor. You're the first to fall into a pool unexpectedly. You are the first of my children to carry a full box of Bisquick up the stairs to me, with a steak knife in hand (and a few complimentary holes stabbed in the top. I guess you really wanted those pancakes!). You are the first to learn how to light my gas stove. You are the first to discover where I hide the lighter for the candles, and put the two together. You are the first to figure out how to rescue treats from the top of the fridge. And of this morning, you are the first to both find the hidden (up-high) paint and use it to paint my carpet, half of a stuffed dog, and my right big toe bright green.

Actually, you're not only the first of my children to do any of these things, you are my only child to do these things (as of yet, at least!) And all before turning three! Dare I wonder what next year's tally might look like?

You are responsible for 95% of my (of course non-existent!) white hairs, and yet oh, how you have me wrapped around your chubby little fingers. You are smart, quick, and quiet but also sweet, cheerful and exuberant in your love. I think you love to sing more than any other child your age that I know. Your blue-green eyes twinkle and you make my heart sing.

With all the mischief that comes with you, I am so, so thankful that God gave you to us, as our son. And I pray that as this next year grows you even more, that you will know His love and enthusiastically love Him more than all the things into which you pour your joy.

We love you, Son. Happy, happy birthday.

Happy Birthday, SammySam!!

HEY, YOU GUYS!! It's your birthday, Sammy! And "HEY, YOU GUYS!" is currently one of your favorite things to yell through the house. (Thank you, "Electric Company!")

SammySam, Dude, I love you. You are one of the most delightful kids that I know. (Please do note the "one of" in that statement. While I do have favorites, I have a collective of them. ;))

What I remember most about your babyhood is just what a delightful, quiet, sweet baby you were. You were chubby and you were late, but you weren't the chubbiest or the latest, so that's not what I first jump to in my memories.  But you were sweet and contemplative and good-natured. A dream baby, for sure. As you grew into a toddler, I remember you sleeping. A lot. I even asked your doctor about it, and he assured me that you were just growing a really smart brain in there.

And then in this past year, you really started talking. And Sweetie, when you really started talking, you REALLY started talking. And when you REALLY started talking, your entertainment value grew. Exponentially.

I love hearing your thoughts come out of your mouth. Most of the time, you just have really funny, random things to say -- like that you want to be a fireman so that you don't have to cut your hair. Or that the new baby is "Wijah's baby," and that "Wijah" is your baby. Or a number of other things that either I can't remember at the moment or that I refuse to put in a public blog post.

The other dominating thoughts that come out of your mouth are super sweet. I hear "I wub you, Mommy" randomly and often throughout the day. Or, "Mom, you are the best mom in the WHOLE world!" Or, "Good singing, Mom!" (loudly at church, with an enthusiastic thumbs up). Thank you, Sweetie. You encourage me!!

And then there's your sweetness to your younger siblings. I love how you generously share your prized cars and trucks with Elijah. And I love how you run up to me to say, "Mom, Jeremiah is SO CUTE! Can I kiss him? I want to carry him!"

I can't wait to see what kind of man you will grow up to be. Right now, I'm loving watching your kind, protective heart grow into action. Watch your daddy, little love. Follow his example as he follows the example of the One who laid down His life for him.

And have a wonderful, wonderful year. Happy, happy birthday, Sammy! We love you!!

Video: Lila and the Kids Meet Baby Jeremiah

He's (finally) here!!!

Nine days late, and worth every second of the wait!

Jeremiah Joseph

8 lbs 5 oz

20 inches

March 26, 2013

1:44am

We praise God, thanking Him for His kind mercies to us!

But the Lord said to me, "Do not say, "I am only a youth"; for to all to whom I send you, you shall go, and whatever I command you, you shall speak. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you, declares the Lord ." Jeremiah 1:7-8 ESV

Happy Birthday, Honey!

So, there's this guy. He's actually pretty cute. And today he turns an age that can officially be rounded to another number that could be deserving of black balloons and "over-the-hill" jokes. But I'm not really here to tease him about how old he is getting (nor about how he robbed the cradle).

Today, I'm just... thankful. I'm thankful for this man. I dreamt about him long before I ever met him. And after I met him -- now more than thirteen years ago -- I still had no. clue. what kind of man he was. What kind of man he would be. I had no clue that God had designed, in His abundant love and provision and generous kindness, to give this amazing man... to me.

David isn't perfect. I'm really good at letting him know how very, very far from perfect he is. Probably too good at that.  But do you know what? He wants to be, and prays to be, like the One Who Is and Was and Ever More Will Be Perfect. And he embraces the truth that he's not perfect... and that Jesus is perfect in his place. He is thankful for the grace and mercy that God has poured out on him, and in that gratitude, he pours out grace and mercy on his imperfect wife and children.

He loves us well, fully, generously, patiently, sacrificially. He shows me a picture of strength in my weakness. He shows me a picture of grace when I'm in need. He loves an imperfect wife in a way that reminds me of a God who loves and chose -- in full knowledge of -- an imperfect church to be His bride. David is not God, but because of his faith in God and the active work of God in his life, he shows me glimpses and pictures of a very awesome God in his very character.

And he always, always encourages and points me to Jesus when I am weak and struggling. Which is often.

So today, I thank God for this man.

Thank you, God, for making David and for ordaining his path. Thank you for giving him a love for you at an early age and for growing him in wisdom and stature over his many years. Please bless him this day and this year. May he know Your love more fully and be blessed by those he loves so well. 

Happy, happy birthday, Sweetheart. I love you.

Happy Birthday, Selah Girl!!

*Note: Yes, Aunt Danelle. I know this post is late! Sorry -- we had her "pretend birthday" a day after her real birthday. That's my excuse. This time. ;)*

Dear Selah,

For a just-turned-five-year-old that is fourth in line of what even I am starting to call a big family, you are anything but non-descript.

Some people think that you are quiet and shy... you do love hiding behind your daddy's leg or snuggling into your daddy's arms when you are in new situations or around people you don't know well.

But I know that is just an act. You remind me much of my little sister, back --way back -- when she was a kid. You're vivacious and sparkly and energetic. And loud.  You love people and have a sweet spot for little ones. You regularly fit in well with the big kids, too. But when you don't get your way, you certainly are not afraid to speak your mind and make sure that no one misses your point!

Your daddy always holds your birth up as a model for future children. You were born on a Friday (much like your birthday this year!).  I had an appointment with the mid-wife that morning, and we thought you might be making your appearance soon.  But not soon enough that I couldn't go home and walk with Aunt Charity and your siblings over to the park to play with some friends.  I called your daddy shortly after that and asked him to come home, and we headed to the birth center about 5pm. By 8pm, you were born, and by midnight, we were all back home and in bed. We had a nice, quiet, full weekend to enjoy with you at home.

What I remember about your birth is cuddling with you at the birth center, in bed, after you were born. You were so sweet and plump and quiet and content. And I was feeding you, and at one point I went to change your position. You yelled so loud that the midwife and doula came running from the other end of the building to see if I had dropped you or something. Like I said before, you know how to be heard when you don't get your way!

This next year has exciting adventures for you. You're five, now! You'll be starting school and learning new things. You're making a transition, and you'll be encouraged and growing in new ways. I pray as you grow, you'll always remember how much we love you, and that though our love is enormous, it pales in comparison to the love that God has for you. He loves you so much that He gave His Son to cover your sins, if you put your trust and belief in Him.

We pray that your life holds the peace and confidence and joy and thankfulness of knowing this truth, deep down, and from an early age. We love you and and we pray for God's greatest blessings in your life!

Happy, happy birthday, Sweet Selah!